New EPW TAG TEAM MOTHER FUCKER.......

If two (The First & Felix Red) EMO fucks jumped off a cliff, which one lands first?  

Why the fuck would I care? 

The fact of the matter is both of them jumped off the cliff last night at the same time holding hands.  The Forsaken dry humped the talent for the past year with the EPW Tag Titles wearing women's mascara with no challenge what so ever.  Last night Larry Tact and Jared Wells took The Forsaken to the fucking wood shed by the hand and beat that ass, and right about now they are comparing hair styles with females saying "OH I LOVE IT".  Fuck that.  I will nail each EMO asshole one by one to any tree I see.  Two down, plenty more to go.  Your looking at the new EPW World's Tag Team Champions.  

Plunder Anthology did, but rape we did best.  

Larry Tact & I will make the EPW TAG TITLES mean something much more than they ever did.  

NOW! 

One thing is for sure.  You won't see us driving a shit box of a vehicle called the Cadillac Eldorado.  And the entire point of its demise in 2002 was because all it was.........was a toaster with rims.  Any dumb shit would buy it.  Open up the hood and what did you see?  A fucking lawn mower engine but OH MY GOD the RIMS WERE INCREDIBLE!!  It's like anybody today buying a HONDA putting a kit on it.  Put whatever you can on it, it's still a four cylinder joke.  And that leads me up to the driver.  

Brock Alyas.  

Enjoy these few minutes of fame from DADDY and no this isn't the "N-F-DUBB."  

This is my D-I-C-K-IN-YO-MOUFH.  One thing in life you fucked up on is driving Miss Daisy and your son Tyler which I'm sure is not even yours.  Trust me, I get papers in the mail all the time.   

Now your hurting Jared Wells feelings here.  I've done nothing to you.  You call us ANTHOLOGY LEGENDS...... "BUTT BUDDIES", "PUNKS".......?? 

.........Really?  That's it? 

Your talking about the DANGLE BROTHERS.  Another news flash to you all you XBOX playing, internet dweebs out there.  The Dangle Brothers are Jared Wells and Cameron Cruise hanging out in the bar.  By choice yes, but by name, thats what the girls say.  When a band travels to a bar, plays the tunes, the respectful thing is to buy the band shots.

FUCK THAT.

The band buys shots for Cameron Cruise and myself.   They say "HEY DANGLE BROTHERS........"  

But Brock.....

The reality is that your child's mother is smoking on that cigarette thinking about DADDY and the DANGLE.  And for you internet geeks out there, that would be me.  She's thinking "OH LORD I'M GOING ON MAURY POVICH".  The mere fact of you driving an Eldorado makes my penis soft... 

 and for little Jared Jr........ 

UGGGGGG........I MEAN Tyler.........helpless.....it's a terrible, terrible life.   

Anyone can rat, but it takes a certain amount of ingenuity to re-rat.  But why would Cameron Cruise "RAT" on somebody who is a nobody?  

Your "N-F-DUBB" won't allow you to look me in the eye. Your "N-F-DUBB" is a simple union allowing you to work eight hours and two breaks.  When you apply for a REAL job.......call me... 

Until then........Don't fuck with DADDY.

Jared Wells is a MOTHER BLOGGER

There is not a better drinking weekend than St. Patty's Day weekend.  Friday until the wee hours of Wednesday morning.  Day 3 which is tonight, you can catch The Dangle Brothers (Cameron Cruise/Jared Wells) at Looney's in Bel Air, Maryland while we make our ANTHOLOGY tour into Richmond, VA for Aggression 43.  

EPW'S Aggression 43, ANTHOLOGY will pick up more gold as myself and Larry Tact will defeat The Forsaken and become the new EPW World Tag Team Champions.  What a scene it will be to take the titles away from two EMO bitches, then watch them write a song about it.  Slit your wrists, put the make up on, here comes daddy.  

Now, first and foremost I need to clear the rumors right now.

It's no secret that the internet has been buzzin' about yours truly, facing NFW'S own Joe The Plumber.  I'm here to tell you right now it's not going to happen.  

It wasn't the mere fact that the NFW placed a carrot in front of Joe The Plumber.  Eddie Mayfield licked that carrot up and down as only as he could and inserted it up the asshole of Joe The Plumber and said "GO GET 'EM TIGER".  There is nothing I'd rather do right now than to jack slap the shit out of Mayfield.  Joe The Plumber might fool the fucks in the NFW but daddy doesn't buy it.  NFW looks at Joe The Plumber as some crazy plunger waving bad ass.  Jared Wells looks at you as lost sperm in the NFW bank confused if your a plumber or a rapper.  Confused if your waving a plunger or a microphone.  Your overalls are simply silk G-Strings.  

I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap and fucking use them.

They say "WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL OUT JTP ON THE EPW PROGRAM?"  I did.  But the fact of the matter is that he doesn't deserve to have is name mentioned by me on TV.  Having a man looking like a homeless mans ball-fro is something that doesn't qualify in my world.  Your undefeated because NFW allows it.  Anywhere else in the world your just a dick grabbing, money making, REACH AROUND, fuck.  I'm sure on the NFW contract it says "WHAT CAN YOU BRING?"  They said, JOE THE PLUMBER WAVING A PLUNGER?  OH MY GOD!!!  Daddy is going to fill out the contract and say, "I CAN WAVE MY PENIS IN THE AIR".  

You see Joe The Plumber, daddy is the type of guy you could trust, becoming best friends.  But once you bring in your girlfriend or your 18 year old sister, I wouldn't hesitate for one second asking if I could stick a hot dog in their asses.  Non using condom Wells would do what he does best.  After doing the "NOT PULLING OUT" method, I wouldn't look down scared.  Fuck no.  I wouldn't say "UHHHHH MAYBE I COULD WASH IT OFF?"  Oh no.  I'd take my rich baby making ass to the airport and never be heard of again.  Go ahead and give your little sister a kiss, it's gonna smell like Wells Dangle.  

Joe The Plumber your idea of fucking up my carpet and drinking my beer, taking a dump and leaving it is a cute idea.  I remember my first beer.  I'm the type of guy to take a shit on the bare floor then install carpet over top of it.  Get daddy his knee kicker.  Don't get mad when myself and Mrs. Joe The Plumber are making sugar cookies in the kitchen along with watching Boner Jams '03.  Don't worry, I'll lock the little bastard mistakes down in the basement.  

Careful with your words "DAWG".  I just might show up in your very own backyard whether the tool bags in the NFW like it or not.  They might not let daddy in but an eighth of shrooms could turn into a wonderful thing.  Imagine Jared MOTHER FUCKING Wells knocking on the NFW door along with Papa Smurf & Gargamel?  You'd see the jolliest bunch of assholes.  

What's the SUCKA-FREE-FUCKIN BOUSE gonna do when I grab him by the back of the next, gently lower his face down and ask the simple question.......

DO YOU WANT THIS DICK BITCH?

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH??????  Master P sucks.  Just too bad the NFW thinks it's cool.  

Joe The Plumber?  Are you sure Joe The Rapper?

Until then, Daddy and the EPW Intercontinental Champ have beer to drink.